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" the face of Mnssulman

Not oft betrays to slanders by

The mind within, well skill'd to hide

All but unconquerable pride." liride of Ahydos.

" And indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my
after rumination wraps me, is a most humourous sadness."

Js You Like It,







Dorset Street, Fled Street-

f' -




WTiat wife ! I have no wife !


Our hero began to think that Locman, with
all his wisdom, was a propounder of lying pro-
verbs; and that it was possible for a man to
have youth, health, and wealth, and yet to be
supremely wretched. He believed himself to
be the most miserable of men, and that belief
was sufficient to make him so.

Happiness is not made by circumstances, but
by one's opinions of them : a little while ago,
Mourad imagined that poverty was the only



ill in life ; he was now opulent, and was farther
from content than he had ever been. He was a
dependant on the bounty of a woman whom he
loathed, for the very degradation which her
abused liberality occasioned.

He was a traitor to the woman v/hom he
loved, and had forfeited all claim to her affec-
tions, at the moment the blessing he had des-
paired of appeared to be within his grasp.

Thouoh his marriage with Miriam was still
kept a secret, scandal was busy with the fame of
the widow ; and seldom as her reputed lover
now visited her dwelling, his goings and comings
were watched l)y the neighbours, and well-
known to her kinsmen.

One evening, on entering her abode, he ob-
served a number of Levantines loitering about
the gallery of the okella ; but, as they did not
appear to notice him, he slipped into the pas-
sage and posted himself behind the door to
watch their motions.

He had not been long there before he heard
a heavy footstep overhead, and shortly after
he had a glimpse of a tall figure in a Dervish
habit descending the stairs. Mourad had a


full view of his countenance as he leisurely ap-
proached tlie door ; he appeared to be rather
past the prime of life; a rubicund, smooth-faced
calendar, whose roguish eye gave something of
an absurd expression to the prevailing indo-
lence of his features.

Our hero was not a little confounded at the
sight of a stranger quitting the apartments of
his wife : the first impulse carried his hand to
the pistol in his girdle ; the second was one of
more prudence, for it sprang from the sugges-
tion that he had a good plea for getting rid of
a troublesome connexion. He slammed to the
door the moment the Dervish was about making
his exit, and pounced on him with the fury of
a tiger, ere he gave him time to recover from
the astonishment which his sudden appearance

" Dog of a Sufi !" said he, " what business
has brought you to this dwelling .^ what secret
villainy has carried you, at this unseasonable
hour, to the forbidden v/alls of my harem r"

" By the propitious star of your house !""
exclaimed the Dervish, in a tremulous voice,
" I conjure you to take your fingers from my

li 2


throat ; I charge you, by the unlucky planet
of my birth, suffer me to breathe and to assure
you of my innocence. By the source of all evil,
the implacable Goddess Beltha, listen to me, if
you are a man of discretion and understanding,
and repent of the insult you offer to my robe.
If this be your house, the sick woman in the
harem must be your wife, and to you I must
look for the remuneration of my visits. Allah
is most bounteous ! but this is not the way to
fee a hakkim, who has promised to consult the
heavenly bodies for the health of your house-

" Follow me, impostor," cried Mourad, " to
the chamber of your pretended patient ; you
shall be confronted with this sick lady, and in
her presence will I know the truth ; and, if I
find the shadow of a falsehood on your lip, let
me see which of the planets will save you from
my vengeance.""

The poor Dervish resigned himself to his
fate ; he followed with reluctant step, sighing as
he went along, and uttering imprecations on the
Goddess Beltha, and all the planets of her tribe.


" Now, son of a pagan !" cried our hero, en-
tering the apartment of his wife, " make a full
confession of your guilt, and I will suffer you
to go forth unharmed : fool me with lies, and I
will tear you, like a ravening vulture, joint by

" Truth," said the Dervish, sighing from the
bottom of his heart, " is always commendable,
and can never be too highly recompensed.
Since I must speak it, close all the doors, and
remember your promise ; and since you have
consented to let me live, I pray you to consider
that life is not v/orth possessing without the
sparkHng waters of that spiritual fountain which
Hafiz quaffed in the bowers of Rochnabad, and
which the profane call wine. Money I have
none, to buy it ; therefore, EfFendi, before I
commence my confession, lend me half-a-dozen
bergoots ; and suffer me, like Tarafa, while I
live, to drench my brains with wine, lest,
having drunk too little here below, I should be
intemperate in my cups at the pond of the Pro-
phet in the place above."

" Cease, kafir !" cried our hero, " your pro-


fligate discourse ; speak, and that briefly, of the
infamy these cursed walls have witnessed."

" Then Hsten and be entirely content,'"' ex-
claimed the Dervish, " for I am sure I can tell
you nothing worse than what your fancy has
already pictured. In our convent in Staniboul,
a Hindi fakir once told me, that a wise man's
wife was always virtuous; and that a book, a
lute, a weajjon, and a woman, were all of them
useless or valuable, according to the hands in
which they fell. The poor fakir had certainly
no great opinion of his own wisdom, for he
spoke disparagingly of his wife, and admitted
that a bright-eyed woman is never satisfied with
lovers, no more than fire is satisfied with fuel,
the sea with rivers, or death with victims.
Now, Effendi, there may be some doubt as to
the insatiable disposition of bright-eyed women,
but there can be none at all as to the probabi-
lity of the wise man's wife being well-conduct-
ed and discreet. If I know any thing of the
star which sheds its propitious light over the
solemn mysteries of Aniran, it is this ; that a
bad husband is in the bosom of his poor wife,
as a dead body in the abode of the living ; an


object once loved, next lamented, and ultimate-
ly loathed. Allah forbid that I should say you
are that bad husband ! the Prophet defend me
from accusing you of having been a cruel, a
capricious, an indifferent, or a neglectful hus-
band ! or of thinking, even if you were such,
(which God forbid,) that the constancy of your
wife, therefore, ceased to be a virtue. I only
say that constancy in woman is not the natural
consequence of coldness in man."

" Insolent kafir !"" cried Mourad ; " be-
ware how you trifle with my patience ; though
preaching be your trade, and drunkenness your
occupation, think not to impose on me : your
profligacy is privileged in the world ; but
here, were you the father of all the dissolute
fakirs in the universe, it shall not go unpunish-
ed. — On one condition I have said," continued
he in a low tone, " you may secure your safety ;
namely, by a full confession of your guilt in the
presence of your pretended patient. I have my
own reasons for letting you off' so cheaply ; dis-
pute them not, if you have any regard for your

The door of an inner apartment flew open


while Mourad was yet terrifying the soul of
the Dervish with his threats, and in walked the
mistress of the house, with the slow and digni-
fied step of an insulted queen, awing the of-
fender into silence as she advanced with a look
whose glance was lightning, and whose duration
gave time to anticipate the thunder of abuse
that was to follow.

" Now, Dervish," exclaimed our hero, " speak
the entire truth, or my sword shall rip it from
your heart."

The eyes of the Dervish were fixed on the
earth, to avoid the encounter of the soul-sub-
duing glance of the Sultana. He stammered
out something about its being a propitious hour
for making an avowal of errors ; when tlie in-
dignant Miriam, no longer able to control her
rage, let loose her tongue, and opened the cam-
paign with a volley of invective, which would
have done honour to one of Homer's heroes.
Stepping up to Mourad, she cried, in a voice
of fury, " What words are these I hear in my
own house .'' Has the beast I suffered to crawl
over my threshold gone mad ? or is the beggar
in his drink, that he dares to spit upon the hand


which o;ave him bread ? Mother of Saint
James ! have I deserved this shame at the
hands of a wretch whom I fed and clothed,
when his condition was below that of a famish-
ed fellah ? Soul of the Patriarch ! have I me-
rited this insult from a broken bankrupt, whom
I fostered in my haznah after scouring the high-
ways for a living ? Shadow of the Madonna !
is the insolence of such a monster to be endur-
ed ? No, dog of a Sufi without faith ! I have
borne with ill-usage too long ; but Allah is
stronger than the Shitan ; your reign over me
and mine is at an end. So, you would tamper
with the honesty of this poor hakkim, and offer
him a bribe to calumniate my honour ! So, you
would terrify this pious Dervish by your threats
into a confession of infamy, which his soul dis-
claims as well as mine ! Fear not, my good
Dervish ; my servants are within call : let him
but hft a finger to do you hurt, and I will have
him dragged to the next guard-house. Let
him fume, and rave, and stamp on the floor till
he is tired ; his rage has no terror for me. Let
him beware of mine ; the thread of his existence
is in my grasp; the sword of justice is in his,

a 5


Avhosc right-hand readies from Candia to El

Mourad became more tranquil : beckoning
to the Dervish to draw back, lie addressed the
mistress of the house in a low but earnest tone.

" Are you wise, woman," said he, " to talk
after this fashion ; to call me opprobrious names
in the face of your paramour ; to publish me to
the world as a beggar, and a bankrupt, a rob-
ber, and, what is worse, a dishonoured husband ?
Is this your gratitude for the preservation of
your life ? Was I a beggar when I snatched
you from the watery grave, on whose yawning
brink you stood imploring my pity ? Was I a
bankrupt when I supplied you in a strange land
with the means of returning to your country ?
Fool that I was for doing so ! but what words
can express the tenfold folly of expecting grati-
tude from a woman, and, above all, from a
Christian !''

Had Mourad finished here, his words might
have made some favourable impression on the
tender-hearted woman ; but unluckily he pro-
ceeded to address the inconstant wife, and the


wind of wrath was only momentarily hushed to
break out into a tempest.

She clapped her hands with such violence,
that every servant in the house was in a moment
at her command ; a loud knocking was heard
the same instant at the outer door. " Run,
slaves," cried the mistress, " and give free ad-
mission to whoever enters ; if it be any of my
kiosmen, let them take this drunken man to the

" The first of your kinsmen," exclaimed our
hero, " who enters this chamber, will be soon
glad to leave it ;" and baring his right arm as
he spoke, he posted himself in the doorway,
like one prepared for immediate action.

Meantime the kinsmen of the lady (for such
they were who sought admission) rushed up
the stairs ; half a dozen were already on the
landing, when the appalling apparition of the
Turk in the doorway came on their vision all
at once, and filled every soul of them with dis-
may. Gladly would they have retraced their
steps, but Mourad cut off their retreat. To
the Dervish, who seemed the most unconcerned


of the spectators, it was an amusing sight to see
a host of shivering Levantines shrinking from
one shiglc arm, whose only weapon was a pipe-
stick. The war-whoop of the women com-
menced ; the first missile Avas a water-melon,
which came from the hands of Miriam, and was
aimed at the head of Mourad, but it unluckily
took effect on the broad cheek-bone of the
Dervish ; had Beltha herself flung it, her de-
voted victim could not have received a greater
shock. The flakes of the shattered melon,
which hung about his features, he believed to
be his brains oozing through a wound ; his
roars predominate(i, over the screams of all the

Our hero thought it time to commence a ge-
neral attack ; the women were already harassing
him in the rear with showers of coffee-pots, pipe-
bowls, and bardacs ; half a dozen water-coolers
were already shattered on his person ; but as the
assailants fled at every discharge, and returned
to the attack under cover of a half-closed door,
Mourad chose not to pursue the fugitives,
and thus suffer the Levantines in the passage to
escape before he had ])unishcd their intrusion.


The turbans of the latter were soon flying in
the air, their auterees and djebees demolished in
the twinkling of an eye ; their own pipe-sticks
broken on their heads ; in short, the conflict was
at its height, when a loud tramping of staves
and footsteps was heard on the stairs, and up
walked the captain of the guard followed by a
dozen of his soldiers.

Mourad had already been in a dungeon ; he
therefore knew how to respect men in authority:
he bowed submission to the mandate of the
chief officer to throw down his weapon ; he
looked in his face and recognised his old ac-
quaintance Asian.

He thought he perceived a suppressed smile
on his countenance as he addressed him. " Am
I always," said he, " to find my young Delhi-
bashi breaking people's heads for his recreation,
disturbing the peace of the whole town for his
amusements ? Allah Illah ! this fantasia of
yours is becoming too frequent an enjoyment;
we must get the Governor to send you to the
Pacha, to give you some employment, if it
please his Highness to leave your head on your
shoulders, or to permit you to remain in his


country. Take him oft' to the guard-house.
But what strange fiffure is this in the habit of a
Dervish, his face covered with the fragments of
a pastek, and one side of his countenance three
times bigger than the other? Who is he, I
say, that keeps up this horrible howling, and
sits wringing his hands there, as if he had re-
ceived some mortal injury? — Can no one answer
for him ?"

" Effendi," cried the Dervish in a melan-
choly whining tone, " I will answer for myself.
My hours are numbered ; I am a dead man ;
that infernal bullet which just now thundered
on my jaw, has done the work of a cannon ball ;
my head is broken, my brains are spattered
over my face, my evil planet has prevailed, the
implacable Beltha has triumphed ; it is written,
I was to be slain by a woman."

" What !" exclaimed Asian, " was it not this
young madman who assaulted you .'*""

" No," replied the Dervish : "I am a dying
man, I must speak the truth — it was the woman
let fly the fatal ball at my head ; the young
man was not to blame."

Here, luckily for our hero, about twenty


Levantines, men and women, commenced altoge-
ther their various versions of the brawl, and of
the causes which led to it. In the confusion
of so many tongues, it was impossible for the
chief officer to distinguish any specific charge;
the widow, however, (who had been afforded a
moment of reflection,) took upon herself to ex-
plain the whole matter in the most satisfactory
manner. She took Asian aside, and slipping
half a dozen gold pieces into his hand, she
whispered in his ear, " The sooner that young
madman is sent from Scanderia, the better for
the quiet of the whole city."

Asian shut his eyes, and gave his head the
significant demi-inclination of one who com-
prehends more than meets his ear, and ac-
quiesces in all that does.

Mourad was marched off without having an
opportunity afforded him of giving one parting
word of abuse to those he left behind; while the
poor Dervish was thrust out of doors, with his
jaw-bone yet ringing from the effects of the
terrible pastek.



Authority, though pleasant to those who taste it, is
like the poison which is concealed in honey.

The Lamja.

MoURAD was conducted to the door of the
guard-house; there Asian bade the soldiers leave
the prisoner to his charge, and desiring the latter
to follow him, he proceeded to his dwelling,

•' Guelh Delhibashi,'" said he, as he entered
his apartment ; " come, prince of madmen,
though there is no one here for you to beat
or bruise, sit down in peace and let us have a
little sober conversation. I want to know no-
thing of your secrets ; were I as deaf as a dog-,
fish, as blind as a bat, I could not fail to under-
stand the terms on which you have been with
this moon-faced widow. But was it essential
to your happiness, the moment you fell in love


with this Christian beauty, to turn lier house-
hold upside down, merely because she is an
infidel ; to break the heads of all her kinsmen,
because they are not true believers ; and to in-
volve an unfortunate fakir in your quarrel,
who has got his jaw smashed, for no earthly
reason, but that he was good-natured fool
enough to interfere between a Mejnoun and
a Leileh." (Mourad groaned.) '' I have al-
ready given you a proof of my friendly con-
sideration ; ' the old lion,' you know, makes
allowance for the intemperance of the cub. I
was once inexperienced myself, and thought
the great duty of a man of courage was to cuff
and kick evei'y pessavink who was poorer and
more puny than myself. A soldier, you
must be aware, has a better opportunity of
gratifying his inclination in this way than any
other person, and therefore I embraced the
military profession. I never had cause to re-
pent of my choice ; and as I am interested in
your welfare, I advise you to follow my exam-
ple. I have interest enough with the people
of the Pacha to procure you employment ; the
Viceroy wants soldiers, and you do not want


qualities to ensure advancement. Tliat fiery
temper of yours may gain you honour in the
field ; here, it is likely one day or other to get
you bowstrung. Nothing is more commendable
in a soldier than to break heads ; and yet no-
thing is more disgraceful in a citizen : the same
occupation, in different situations, gets one man
a pelisse, another the bastinado. If you go to
El Masr, (Cairo,) you may attain the former ;
if you remain in Scanderia, (Alexandria,) you
are sure to be invested, like the fabled Ashab,
with the garment of contempt."

" Effendi !" cried our hero, with great ear-
nestness of manner, " I will be ruled entirely by
your counsel ; your friendship is now my only
fortune; while I possess it, I am the richest of
the sons of men."

" Then hear me with attention," continued
Asian, " and hide my words in the secret cham-
ber of your heart. When the waters of public
life are troubled with contentious winds, it is
only the bravest bark that keeps the sea. Fac-
tion at this moment is bufi'eting the sides of
Egypt. The partisans of the late Kourshid
Pacha, and the still formidable remnant of the


Mamelukes, are struggling with Mohamed
Ali for no less a prize than the vessel of the
state. Half a dozen years'* possession has not
fixed the latter with such stability on the poop
of Egyptian government, but that every breath
of the Beys agitates the ocean, and heaves up
the keel of the poor old Pachalik. Whether
she founder, or the shallops which beset her, it
matters not to you ; there will be many a rich
prize to be picked up by the discreet spectator
who is not born to be drowned: a death I should
think you are not at all likely to encounter.'"
(Mourad bowed.) " But the probability is, that
the Mamelukes will go down in the struggle;
they are noble-minded fools, and spread the
canvass of credulity to every breath that bears a
promise, as if it were the wind of Paradise which
came direct from the throne of the Apostle.
In plain Turkish, the times are sick ; and when
they are so, Imam Ali informs us, that nothing
can ease the Prince''s stomach, but the removal
of all that is honourable and noble. It is fit you
should be acquainted with the character of the
man who holds the helm of affairs ; and after I
have given you a brief outline of his history,


it will be your own fault if you do not turn the
information to a profitable account.

" Mohanicd Ali, the present Viceroy of Egypt,
was born in Cavale, a town in Roumelia, the
blessed year of the Hcgira Eleven Hundred and
Eighty-two (A.D. 17C9). His father was chief
of the patrol who preserved the security of the
public roads.

"At an early age he became a servant to a
Choarbagi of Cavale, who noticed the energy
of his character, and the assiduity he uniformly
manifested. In a Httle time Mohamed Ali was
not only in the favour of his master, but, what
was of no less importance, in the good graces
of his harem likewise. The first act of his
public life was one of those well-planned strata-
gems which we call generalship, and giaours,
perfidy ; but, whatever be the name, it was one
of those plausible artifices which have since
formed the principal feature in the political
character of the wily Pacha.

" A neighbouring village having refused to
pay tribute, Mohamed Ali asked permission
of his master to bring the delinquents before
him. It was in vain that the Choarbagi repre-


sented the impossibility of doing so ; of his
having no adequate force to send against the
village, whose inhabitants were renowned for
their audacity. Mohamed Ali was not to be
put from his purpose ; he demanded six soldiers,
and with this number he set out for the villao-e.
Having posted his little force so as to excite
no suspicion, he entered a mosque, and having
performed his namez with great devotion in the
face of the Imam, he dispatched him to re-
quest the presence of the four principal men
of the place, in order to communicate some-
thing to them of great importance to their pri-
vate fortunes. The unsuspecting grandees
came to the house of God; a signal brought the
soldiers to the door ; the men were seized,
bound, and carried off, before the Imam had
time to raise his townsmen.

" For this feat of valour the young hero was
made a Boluk bashi, and in the course of a
little time was married to a rich widow, a re-
lative of his master, by whom he has three
sons, Ibrahim, Toussun, and Ismael. He now
turned his thoughts to commerce, and in the
capacity of a tobacco-merchant he frequently


associated with the Franks of Salonica, and in
their society he acquired those giaour notions
which ever after influenced his conduct. In
the mean time, the French unbelievers having
taken possession of Egypt, the Subhme Porte
(glory to its shadow !) took up the sword of
Islam, and suffered, in the greatness of its con-
descension, the infidels who make our pen-knives,
to range under the banner of the Faithful.

" The Choarbagi got a firman to furnish a
contingent of three hundred men, a command
which was executed with no little difficulty.
The son of the Choarbagi was appointed cap-
tain of the troops; but the privations of the
voyage, and the difficulties the army encoun-
tered at Aboukir, disgusted the young com-
mander ; he quitted the service, and gave up
the command to Mohamed Ali, who took the
title of Bynbashi (Colonel). In the first battle
with the infidels, the Moslems, of course, had
the advantage ; notwithstanding, our young
hero lost a great number of his men ; but he
had the good fortune to be observed by the

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