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bably a serious operative, and considered re-
spect for the cloth to be in a ratio with the
quantity of the material.

For a messenoer of g-lad tidings to the hea-
then, Jeremiah was a man of a forlorn counte-
nance. His complexion was that of a matured
olive ; his features harsh ; and the space which
nature intended for a forehead was marked by
an inclined plane, extending from the crown of
his head to the root of his nose ; it was a head
that Spurzheim might have taken for a Kafir''s,
had he found it on the coast of Guinea. Jere-


iniah took a great deal of snufF, and he had
a trick of interlarding his discourse with a
deep-drawn sigh, " a windy suspiration of
forced breath," between an eructation and a
moan. He inveighed bitterly against those who
paid any attention to their personal appearance.
Dr. Kitchener had not written in his day ; he
was therefore ignorant that clean linen has
much to do with a clear conscience : in short,
Jeremiah was a filthy fanatic, but he was a
good kind of man. He distributed three half-
pence a-week to the poor, when he was at home,
in front of his own door ; he never sent away a
beggar, who asked for bread, without giving
him a tract. In his domestic as well as in his
public capacity, he was irreproachable. No
husband was ever truer to a faithful wife, and
no man deserved more credit for his constancy.
No lay preacher, in London had a greater repu-
tation for giving new readings of old texts, or
for holding forth more triumphantly on the de-
gradation of human nature ; and as for the ter-
rors of eternity, on that subject " he was quite
precious." No Christian labourer declaimed
more pathetically against the Pope, or described


in more fifrurative language the wickedness of
the scarlet lady of liabylon.

Such was the gentleman who came sidHng
towards Mourad, as the rope was cast off
which held the boat to the pier, and solicited
the favour of a spiritual discussion.

Jeremiah's Arabic was not exactly the lan-
guage of Yemen, but it was sufficiently intel-
ligible to show that no small portion of the
vulgarity of his own phraseology was trans-
ferred into the foreign idiom.

Our hero was not, at the moment he was
addressed, in a mood for discussion on any sub-
ject. He examined the uncouth figure of Jere-
miah from top to toe ; and after puffing half-
a-dozen whiff's of his pipe in the face of the
Frangi, he turned his back on him, without
deigning to give an answer. Jeremiah did not
appear at all disconcerted : he was about re-
newing the attack, when the shrill voice of his
lady summoned him to the cabin.

" The heathen is obstinate," said Mrs. Lan)b,
as Jeremiah entered with his customary sigh.
*' Leave him to me ; I will soon find out if there
be any hope of his conversion. Tell the Dra-


goman to invite him to the chamber, and during
the conference, it is better you remain without."

Jeremiah was the most obedient of husbands.
He left the cabin to execute the command which
he dared not dispute.

His lady was of that " certain age" which is
generally supposed to be on the wrong side of
forty. Her person was gaunt and ungainly ;
her features rigid ; and her complexion of that
green and yellow lurid hue which enthusiasm is
wont to wear. Of her religious opinions it
would be difficult to give a desci'iption. The
leading article of her creed was, justification by
faith ; and the foremost of her favourite doc-
trines was, that the Millennium was near at hand.
For Jeremiairs understanding she had a tho-
rough contempt, and a corresponding high opi-
nion of her own.

When Mourad was informed that a lady
desired to see him in the cabin, he felt not a
little surprised. He imagined that he mu^it
have made a favourable impression on some
tender-hearted infidel, and with this unfortu-
nate impression he followed the dragon}an to
the cabin. All the romance of the idea was



destroyed the moment he had a glimpse of the
fair one; but as the Turks are the pohtest
people in the world, he concealed his disap-
pointment, and seated himself, at tiie request of
the lad}'.

" For the sake of Allah," said he to the Dra-
goman, " keep a good look-out, and let us not
be surprised by her husband, for such I sup-
pose he is whom I saw just now leaving the

Paulo's broad grin caught the attention of
Mrs. Lamb. " What says the heathen," she de-
manded, " that provokes your mirth ?""

" Oh, nothing. Ma'am," replied Paulo, " that
means offence ; the gentleman is only afraid
your husband should catch him here."

" Wretch !" cried Mrs. Lamb, addressine;
the Maltese, " this is an impertinence of your
own creation. Listen to my words, and render
them faithfully to the poor infidel."

" Tell the unbeliever, that my duty obliges
me to warn him of the perdition that awaits
him, walking as he is hke an unfortunate ido-
later in the valley of the shadow of death !


Tell him, with a loud voice, that he is a poor
unenlightened pagan, living in the midst of
Egyptian darkness, yea, truly, of darkness
which may be felt ! Tell him, the believer in
an impostor is a fool ; the husband of four
wives, a horrible heathen, the worst of all pa-
gans ; and that he and his houries are destined
for a place, where there is weeping and wailing,
and gnashing of teeth, unless they hearken to
my words."

The Dragoman interrupted the speaker, who
was becoming every moment more animated.
"Stop there," said he; "let me tell him about
the darkenss and the h6uries before you go any
farther." Paulo accordingly began, like an honest
interpreter, to soften down as much as possible
the hard words of truth; and having prefaced
the communication with an assurance, that his
master and mistress were both mad, he informed
the astonished Turk of so much of the speech
as he thought proper to interpret.

Mourad was at first inclined to be angry ;
but when he observed the half-suppressed smile
on the roguish features of the Dragoman, con-

D 2


trasted as it was with the gravity of the lady's
countenance, he could not helj) thinking the
scene was rather amusing than otherwise.

" Dragoman," said our hero, in his gravest
manner, " I desire you to thank your amiable
mistress for her condescension, (may it never
diminish !) and to assure the fair Sultana, that
I perfectly understand her motive for wishing
me to beconje a Christian, and that my only
anxiety is to know if 1 have the happiness of ad-
dressing a lady whose affections are disengaged."

" For the soul of your father !" exclaimed
the Dragoman, endeavouring to preserve his
gravity, " do not speak after this manner ; were
I to repeat such words, I should get my head
broken for my pains."

" Interpret my words truly," cried Mourad ;
" or, by the beard of the Prophet, I will bring
you into trouble for tampering with the faith
of a Mussulman !"

" What reply does the man give.?" said Mrs.
Lamb ; " what has he to answer to the argu-
ments of truth .'*"

" He has answer enough," cried Paulo impa-


tiently ; " he threatens me with the Cadi, if I
refuse to ask you if he be talking to a lady
whose affections are disengaged."

" Insolent pagan !" cried Mrs. Lamb in a
paroxysm of religious fury, " I abandon your
salvation to the care of my husband ; I renounce
the devil and all his works : — miserable heathen !
I fly from the pollution of your profane dis-
course." And with these words she flung out
of the cabin.

Mourad would have followed, but that he
wished to have his laugh out before he appeared
on the deck. But before he had restored his
features to their ordinary decorum, in walked
•Jeremiah, with a solemn step, and closing the
door after him to prevent escape, he commenced
the following consoling exhortation ; turning up
his eyes as he spoke, like a love-sick spinster in
a swoon.

" Hell ! my dear brother, is the birth-right

of the heathen, the sure destination of all like

you who v/alk in wilful wickedness. Therefore,

the word of comfort is a seasonable word when

received in seriousness of spirit. Alas ! poor


beniglited mortal, deprived of the truth, you
follow the law of a vile impostor, even — "

" Stop," cried Mourad ; " beware how you
revile the name of the blessed Apostle; death
or recantation is the consequence, and you
cannot be ignorant of the ceremony previous to
the latter" — (a groan was heard on the out-

" Even I was about to say," continued Jere-
miah, disregarding the interruption, " like the
Moabites and Ammonites of old, adoring pagan
idols. Ah ! wretched infidel ! renounce your
idolatry ere it be too late; away with your sacri-
fices of goats and buyrams. I tell you, there is
no to-morrow for a Christian, much less for a
pagan Turk. Turn from your errors; re-
member your fall; and think continually of the
iniquity of this vile world. You are a poor
fallen creature; a miserable human being; a
wretched sinner; a wicked mortal!"

" No, dog of an infidel," cried Mourad,
unable to control his rage, " you and the off-
spring of your mother are base and wicked, —
not I, nor one of my belief."

"Oh ! horrible impiety !" exclaimed Jeremiah,


" he denies the fall ! — he disbelieves in the ini-
quity of this abominable world — he has no know-
ledge of a future state ! Ah ! my unfortunate
brother, turn your ear to the counsel of the
wise, who rejoice in righteousness, and who
work out their salvation in fear and trembling,
and fly while you yet may from the judgment
of the wrath to come. I have discharged my
duty — I have spoken to your afflicted spirit the
consolins: words of truth — I have laboured to
convert you — you are a poor degraded mortal,
living in a wicked world, a hateful, sinful
world, filled with scribes and pharisees, and
publicans, licensed by Satan ! that same Sa-
tan whose fiery gulf is prepared for those who
shght the voice of truth and wisdom, — even my
faint accents. Ah ! my brother, my words are
not the vain babblings of that corrupt and
carnal ministry, whose bishops are clothed in
purple and fine linen ; of whom it is written,
' The leaders of my people have caused them to
err.' Ah, verily, I am not like these ; I am
called on by the spirit, like Nathan and Amos,
to ' reprove the people ;' for, ' knowing the ter-
ror of the Lord,' I am fit to persuade men.


Ah ! truly, it was not from the hands of men I
sought an ordination, but from the voice of the
Spirit I received the inward call. ' Not by the
letter, but by the Spirit," must a man be an
apostle ; not by a mitre and a sleeve of lawn,
by pomp and pride, and by a pampered sto-
mach, though it be covered by a silken apron.
Ah ! my friend, like these, your stall-fed muftis
roll in riches, and feed on dainties, and say, like
the prelates, ' we use these carnal things only
as temporal lords ;' but, let me ask, what is to
become of the spiritual bishop, when the tem-
poral lord is sent to the dominions of Lucifer.''
Oh ! unhappy unbehever ! put your trust in
the true pastor, who feeds not on the fat of the
flock, and be sure to remember there is no
justification but by faith. Hearken to the dis-
course of the shepherd, whose sides are not
clothed with the fleece of the shorn lamb ; and
oh ! be persuaded, that Shiloh is coming, and
the joyful Millennium near at hand. Attend to
the preacher who pins not his faith to the pope
of the Lutherans, the Calvinists, or even of the
Methodists, and ' conclude, therefore,' with the
apostle, ' that a man is justified by faith with-


out the deeds of the law.' Give ear to the
voice of the iUiterate disciple, even to the voice
of Jeremiah Lamb, which shall soon be heard
in the howling wilderness, propounding to the
heathen the universal saving doctrine ; but oh !
above all things, be sure that the day is not far
off when the nations shall dance for joy on the
summit of Mount Sion. Oh ! what a sweet
perfume in the nostrils of the saints is the hea-
venly song of j ustification by faith ! how do the
fragrant sounds of celestial joy descend to earth
and refresh the souls of human mortals ! — Oh !
my unfortunate brother, should my words fail
to make a soft impression on your hardened
heart, should you dare to rely on your good
intentions, and, what is still worse, on your
good works, what a sad prospect is there for
your soul ! And, oh ! can I ever ring too often
the terrible alternative in your ears. Oh !
Pagan, believe and tremble, or die like a hea-
then, and be drowned in lakes of burning brim-
stone : — A blessing," continued Jeremiah,
concluding rather abruptly at the call of his
wife, " which I sincerely wish you — Amen —
Selah !"

D 5


Jeremiah ""s evangelical whine now relapsed
into a collo(|uial tone, but sufficiently nasal to
give the twang of seriousness to his discourse.

" My good friend,'' said he, " do you feel
the spirit comforted by the saving doctrines I
liave just expounded ?"

" Kitir Hawadge," cried our hero, with true
Eastern politeness and Oriental irony, " very
much indeed, Sir ! I feel, as it were, refreshed
by your words."

Jeremiah inwardly chuckled at his success.
It never occurred to him that a Turk seldom
gives himself the trouble to contradict what it is
difficult to comprehend ; a circumstance which
has been a fruitful source of delusion to East-
ern missionaries.

" You are certain," continued Jeremiah,
'* that you feel better in the inner man ?"

" Much better, thank you," replied our hero,
putting his hand on his stomach (he had just
been eating an immature melon).

" Thank Heaven !" said the enraptured Jere-
miah ; picturing to himself the flaming account
he should be able to send home to the astonish-
ed natives, of the conversion of the heathen ;


" the word has been sown in a good soil ; I re-
joice to leave you impressed with the truth of
the universal saving doctrine. But before I go,
let me conjure you to remember the great debt
you owe/'

" I wish," cried Mourad, reading the soul
of Jeremiah as he spoke, " that you would not
talk of debts ; it is a painful subject, and one
that interferes with my spiritual reflections.
You have reminded me I owe a cursed tailor
three hundred piastres."

" Call not the tailor cursed!" exclaimed Jere-
miah ; " a serious tailor is more likely to be
saved than a sumptuous bishop — How much,
friend," continued he in a cautious tone, " do
you say you owe the tailor ? Oh ! three hun-
dred piastres ! it is a large sum ; but could
you not bury the consideration in oblivion while
you are engaged about your soul .'*"

"No," replied Mourad; "it is impossible;
the knave will not suffer me to forget it for a
day ; but I have one consolation —he will have
to answer for my not profiting by your excellent

Jeremiah responded not : he closed his eyes,


he twirled his thumbs, he groaned inwardly ; it
was evident there was a conflict in his bosom
between zeal and avarice: the man was warring
with the missionary ; the latter prevailed.
"You shall be converted,"" exclaimed Jeremiah
in a burst of theological enthusiasm: "only
promise me faithftdly to be saved, and I will
pay the tailor. I must break the matter cau-
tiously to Mrs. Lamb; but not to-day: our
tempers have been a Httle ruffled by the receipt
of a letter as we came on board, from a profli-
gate brother of mine, who pesters me for money
for the subsistence of himself and his starving
brats, as if I had nothing to do with my sub-
stance but to squander it on the improvident

" Do you not mean," said Mourad, " to
send your mother's son a few piastres to buy
bread for his famished children ? "

" Not a paras," replied the universal philan-
thropist. " The workhouse is open for all lazy
beo-ffars, and it becomes not a labourer in the
vineyard to encourage idleness and profligacy."

" Discretion," said Mourad, " is always com-
mendable. I am more than ever pleased with


youi' doctrines, knowing, as I now do, the vir-
tues of the man who expounds them. At El
Masr we shall have more leisure to discuss the
important subject ; but to-morrow, if it please
God, I must have the three hundred piastres to
set my mind at rest, and take off my attention
from the things of this vile world."

" To-morrow," exclaimed Jeremiah, " you
shall have the money, were I to sell the coat on
my back. I feel my spirit transported into the
heavens, witnessing the joy of the saints for the
conversion of the heathen ; I behold the che-
rubs and the seraphim flapping their wings
over our heads ; I hear the celestial choir sing-
ing joyful epithalamiums, to which let us re-
spond in a loud voice. Amen, Selah !""

" Amen, Selah !" ejaculated Mourad, in per-
fect ignorance of the import of the words; and
quitting the cabin, he found Mrs. Lamb sta-
tioned with the Dragoman at the door. " This
day,"" exclaimed the lady in a triumphant voice,
as our hero passed her, " we have rescued a
soul from Satan !"



There is one living and true God, without body,
parts, or passions, of infinite power, wisdom, and good-
ness, the maker and preserver of all things visible and

First Article of the Veda.

The following day Jeremiah, encouraged by
his first success, buckled on the armour of con-
troversy, and made a vigorous attack on the
faith of the Arab Sheik. After haranguing
the old man for two long hours on the errors of
his creed, and the excellence of the doctrine of
justification by faith, the Sheik put down his
pipe and replied, like an ignorant Arab, to the
unanswerable arguments of his opponent in
these terms.

" Look you, Hamadgi, all that you have said
is very good, if it be true ; Allah knows all


things. If there be error in the law of Islam,
He knew it before I was born ; if what you
have spoken about faith be comprehensible, He
understands it, I do not; I only know that I
am a Mussulman, and that my father was one
before me. I believe our law is a good law,
and I have instructed my child in its precepts ;
and had it not been written in the great book
above, that I was to have acted as I have done,
I might perhaps have acted otherwise. But
what is, was written ; and what is written, must
happen. Therefore, Hamadgi, you see, it
would he quite impossible for me to become an
infidel, as you are pleased to recommend me ;
and I hope you will not be angry with me, as I
have not pressed you against your destiny, to
become a true believer."

Jeremiah was preparing to give a definitive
kick to the flimsy arguments of the old Sheik,
when the man of the law, who had listened for
some time with much impatience to the dis-
cussion, turned on Jeremiah with unwarranta-
ble acrimony, and addressed him in the follow-
ing intemperate terms : —

" Whose dog of a giaour are you, who dare


to show the Kafir's tooth in the presence of a
Moslem ? Whose half-famished son of an infidel
are you, who have the audacity to throw your
filth on the faith of Islam ?— Wallah al Nebi !
by the Prophet I swear, this insolence shall be
punished! — Moslems, gather round ; here is a
dog who has blasphemed the Apostle; arise,
true believers, here is a Christian who has
spoken against the law ; throw the infidel over-
board ! away with the wine-drinker ! down with
the blasphemer !"

A terrible commotion ensued ; the man of the
law and half-a-dozen of the boatmen laid vio-
lent hands on the unfortunate Jeremiah ; they
swore he deserved death, and that drowning
was but too gentle a punishment for his im-

Mourad was pretty much of the same opi-
nion, but he had not yet received the three
hundred piastres; he therefore took the part of
the Christian, and assisted the old Sheik, the
Franks, and the Reis of the boat, in rescuing
the terrified Jeremiah from the hands of the

The rage of the Arabs was easily appeased


by Paulo''s promise of a becksheesh of half-a-
dozen piastres ; while the fury of the man of
the law was moderated by the Sheik's repre-
sentation of the vengeance that was sure to
overtake the slayer of even a common Christian
in the country of the Giaour Pacha.

Jeremiah made no more attempts on the
heathen during the voyage. He and his amia-
ble partner reviled in strong language the per-
verse Pagans, who had resisted the truth.
They felt the indignation which the best-in-
tentioned controversiahsts approve, against those
who have the folly to refuse their good offices.
They fell into the common, and perhaps natu-
ral error of hating those who oppose our ho-
nest endeavours to befriend them.

Fortunately for the indefatigable zeal of Je-
remiah and his spouse, there was still an indi-
vidual left for their spiritual solicitude. That
happy individual was the gentleman with the
classic name, Mr. John Smyth. He was any
thing but serious, and the attempt to make him
so seemed almost hopeless; yet the difficulty of
the task carried a recommendation with it to
the bosom of Mrs. Lamb. She was of Dr.


Johnson's opinion, that great enterprises are
always laudable, even when above the strength
that undertakes them. She had a few tracts
left of a stock she brought from England, for
distribution amongst the English sailors ; these
she presented to Mr. Smyth, witli a request
that he would peruse them at his leisure.

In the course of the evening he examined
them one by one. The first was " A pot of
precious ointment for the Sinner's eyes," than
•which Mr. Smyth thought nothing could be
more desirable in Egypt. The second was
" The history of Grace Goodly, the Dairyman's
Daughter, and Tom Christian, the Farmer's
Son," — " This," said he, " is evidently a rural
love-tale ; I must look into it." The next was "A
Word in Season, by a serious Ploughman :" he
threw it down ; he had no taste for agricultural
essays. The fourth was '^ The Last Moments of
Miss Dinah Dobson, who forsook the follies of
the World in her ninth year, and was cut off in
the blossom of virtue in her sixteenth summer."
" Poor creature!" said he, " I suppose she suf-
fered innocently," The next was " The Mira-
culous Conversion of Captain Jones, who fre-


quented playhouses and kept bad Company, till
he dreamed one night he saw Satan flying away
with the playhouse and his associates, from
which time he became serious, and avoided fe-
male company." — " I would lay a wager," cried
he, " the Captain was on half-pay."" — The last
was " The New Light of Knowledge, or a Bea-
con for the Blind ;" a work which he thought
was more likely to be serviceable to those who
had their sight.

Jeremiah was stationed at the door of the
cabin, watching the effect of the tracts on the
peruser. It was a propitious moment for a dis-
cussion, and Jeremiah took advantage of it to
inveigh against the obduracy of Turkish fana-
tics : a side-wind exordium, which was meant
to be the forerunner of a right-aft lecture on tlie
obstinate opinions of Mr. Smyth. The latter
understood the drift of the observation, and he
resolved to escape the forthcoming harangue,
by making some remarks which were likely to
turn the conversation into another channel.

" Fanaticism, Mr. Lamb, I fear, is not con-
fined to Turkish countries," said Smyth,
" though superstition may predominate in them.


The former, as you arc aware, is the misappli-
cation of religious zeal ; the latter, the iniscon-
struction of religion itself. The votaries of
both are dangerous to society in different de-
grees, the infatuation of the fanatic doing much
more mischief than tiie delusion of the super-
stitious man, who is a sort of religious invalid ;
whereas the fanatic is a disease in himself; — he
is an embossed carbuncle on the surface of re-
ligion, and the feebler the powers, the more
exuberant the excrescence.

" In our country there is no dearth, you
must confess, of fanaticism : civilization has
only given it a different turn to that which it
conniionly takes in Turkey. Our lunatic asy-
lums are filled with the victims to this species
of enthusiasm ; the commonest hallucination
found there is religious madness.

" But with us, the lower classes, and no small
majority of females, are the subjects of this in-

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