S. W. (Samuel William) Ryley.

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ft Y S. W. RYLEY.

" The world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man, in his time, plays many parts."








'ilu:rc was a dffree of humour in this
burlesque harangue, that highly enter-
tained those who understood it, which
every one did, with the exception of the
worthy Cheery and the alderman. The
former still conceiving that the orator
was a preacher, and knowing as little
of politics, as he did of things in general,
endeavoured to bring this strange dis-
course within the line of theological in-
terpretation, and with regard to the
sheep and lambs, he found it quite easy
upon an allegorical, typical, and emble-
matical principle, but the bell wether and



the remainder of the discourse, he could
not recollect any thing in the scriptures
like it, except universal grazing, which
he said was typical of Nebuchadnezzar,
and gave the orator credit for a holy and
a pious man.

But the lusty gentleman from Thread-
needle- street, thought otherwise, and
looked upon it as he did upon every thing
he did not understand, as a seditious,
mutinous, radical rhapsody, and walked

away, muttering " Abominable a

hobble gobble that is must be looked
after Botany Bay maw . waw Sid-
mouth infernal jackobinical that is
scoundrel." Nor could he, on any ac-
count, after this, during our short voyage,
come near, notice, or speak to the unfor-
tunate orator. However, the worthy
Callaghaduggan and his son, made ample
amends ; they laughed exceedingly, and
shook him by the hand, with (hanks for
the very pleasant way in uhich he had
silenced the disputants.


This act of civil encouragement did not
pass unnoticed by the alderman, who,
conceiving they were all of the same po-
litical principles, began to think he had
got into a nest of Scotch radicals, and
fancied every thing that was said had a
similar tendency.

The little army contractor, who, though
he neither cared or knew any thing about
either politics or theology, delighting in
the mortification of his fat fellow travel-
ler, clapped the orator on the shoulder,
exclaiming, with a victorious smile,
** Veil done, Mister Botheration, I wow
that are's a better speech than ever was
made in a Court of Aldermen.

The dancers now recalled our atten-
tion, and my young dandy friend having
joined the group, caused a general in-
terest, by the sprightly elegance of his
deportment. There happened to be a
comely plump Scotch lassie amongst
them, and whenever she came near him
in the dance, he clapped his hands, with
a " Ha, how did you come?" then shot


like a dart down the dance, with a degree
of mirth and humour that inspired all

But here, as we have had too often
cause before to remark, the cup of comfort
having become too full of sweets, per-
haps, to be longer relished, without a
sprinkling of the bitter, was suddenly
dashed to the ground, and the general
joy changed in a moment to general alarm
and heart-piercing anxiety.

All was going on just, one would think,
as it should do, - a smile sat on every
countenance ; the glorious sun liberally
bestowed its benevolent beams on the
beautiful hills around ; there did not seem
to be an aching heart on deck, even the
horrid squall, and dreadful drone of the
bruwney piper, from the pleasant effects
they produced, on animated youth and
beauty, became less discordant to the ear,
and the mortified alderman, having pur-
chased half a dozen China oranges, cram-
med his Barcelona under his chin, or
chins, for he had two, to save his fresh


starched chitterling from yellow tints, sat
munching and sucking, which caused a
cessation of his inarticulate sounds, and
he absolutely seemed to look on with
something like participating pleasantly.

From this state of happy forgetfulnoss,
we were in an instant roused by a horrid
shriek from a female voice, and in an in-
stant every attention was drawn towards
the gunwale of the vessel, where lately sat
Podo, with her infant in her arms. She had
risen from her seat. " My child ! my child II]
cried she, in agonizing tones, and in-
stantly plunged into the deep.

Every one became panic struck; they
did not know what to do ; some ran one way,
some another,, whilst the good Cheery
clasped his hands with a pious look to
heaven, and exclaimed, " The Lord Al*
mighty help her."

The men belonging to the steam packet,
however, took the only wise means, by
jumping into the boat that was tied to the
stern of the vessel, preparing to afford
every assistance in their power, but poor


Murtoch afforded a most whimsical ex-
hibition, had it been a time to indulge a
thought of levity. The poor fellow was
warmly attached to this black blossom of
Ethiopian growth; and when he first be-
held her jump into the water, gave an
Irish howl, that re -cehoed from the ad-
joining hills; and though he could not
swim, was preparing to follow the mis-
tress of his affections, had not young Cal-
laghaduggan, seizing him by the arm, in-
quired, "Can you swim,Murtoch ?" "How
can I till, your honour, until I try." In
an instant, however, we were greeted
with a most pleasing and unexpected
change, every fear gave way to hope and
seeming certainty of safety.

It is well known to almost every one,
that has either read or travelled, that
our black brethren, male or female, are
from their infancy, expert swimmers;
had this come across our minds, no alarm
would have taken place ; but the sudden-
ness of the thing smothered recollection,
and a general fear for the safety of the


individuals superseded every other idea,
till, in a moment, we perceived her rise,
and with anxious looks, turn every way
with as much ease as though she were jn
her native element ; then eagerly seizing
something that floated on the surface, in
an instant held up her infant to our vie w,
with a shout of exultation, in which we
all joined, as fervently as ever saint
put up an orison, whilst the grateful
Cheery, with a generous tear standing
in his eye, exclaimed, with a sigh, and
I firmly believe, from the bottom of his
soul," The Lord be praised.' 1

When a worthy but unfortunate indi-
vidual is incarcerated by the tormenting
fangs of the law, and the tender hand
of commiserating friendship procures
instant emancipation, the soul of the
liberated, feels a stronger sense of
pleasure, than it would have experienced,
had the circumstance never taken place.

The human mind in our case, being
now eased of a w r eight of anguish and
alarm* the more readily gave ^place to


happier sensations, and another shout of
general joy took place, from one end of
the vessel to the other, whilst poor Podo*
full of joy and gladness, as she floated
hy the side of the vessel, seated her
little one on her breast, whilst it smiled
and chuckled, unconscious of danger,
and absolutely patted playful slaps upon
its mother's cheeks. The scene was aw-
fully interesting, and scarcely a dry eye
beheld it.

The boat soon brought them safe to
the vessel, and poor Murtoch, absolutely
danced for joy ; whilst taking the infant
in his arms, he exclaimed, " Ah, by de
powers, it's a young salamander ; did ye
see how it swimmed about, like a little
burnt-cork, on the top of de water, till de
murcmaid, its mother, rescued it away."

Podo now repaired to the worthy Mrs.
M'Kinlcy, who ordered her and her infant
into a comfortable bed, till dry clothes
could be prepared.

A 11 this began, continued, and ended in
loss than a quarter of an hour, during


which the alderman satunmoved,deveuring
his china oranges, and when asked if he did
not feel interested, replied, " Maw waw
that is about what ? bother a nub-
ble bubble black slaves jackobins I've
plenty in Jamacia sell 'em sell 'em."

The steward now came to infer m the
cabin passengers that dinner was oil the
table, and accordingly every one answered
the welcome summons. It was 1 tughable
to observe the alderman, who the moment
he heard the dinner announced, forgetting
the impracticability of descending into
the cabin, pocketed the remainder of his
oranges with all possible expedition, and
waddled away towards the gangway, the
sight of which soon brought his miseries
to his mind, which he took good care
should not be kept a secret, but poured
forth torrents of unintelligible abuse upon
the d d jackobin packet, for not having
a wider staircase.

The little army tailor, viewing, with a
wicked smile, the alderman's embarrass-
ment, and wishing to increase it as much

VOL. ix. c


as he possibly could, clapped him on the.
shoulder as he passed, " Come, Mr. Al-
derman, make haste, we're all wery hun-
gry for our wittels ; your favourite dish is
on the table, a wery excellent fillet of

" Is there, by G ? (hat's galoptious -
maw waw hobble gobble is it stuffed?"

" Oh yes, wasly beautiful ; would ye
like a squeeze of a lemon ?"

Irritated by this description, the alder-
man was now left alone on the top of the
stairs, roaring out like an overgrown
bull, fenced out of a rich pasture ; and
there he might have remained, had not
the steward hit upr n the only scheme likely
to procure this weighty member of the
corpo, a slice of his (avejurite fi(Yetv real

As some consolation, however, for the
probable loss of his dinner, as the alder-
man stood on the top of this unaccom-
modating staircase, he received a basket,
containing half-a-dozen bottles of claret^
and a polite note from Lady Larceny,


.1 ill

hoping the wine would be some compen-
sation for the liberty his Lordship had
taken in discomposing his wig. The
luxutious look he instantly cast at the
devoted bottles, was truly epicurian,
whilst he muttered, "Claret 'pon my
bubble bubble the genteel thing maw
waw much obliged waiter ! how am I
to hubble bubble down these infernal
stairs ?"

Now there was a way of far wider di-
mensions, by the steerage, that entered
the cabin, through a back door but sel-
dom opened, the steward conducted the
alderman and his basket of wine this
way into the cabin, and when he made his
unexpected appearance, a general laugh
could not be restrained, whilst young Cal-
laghaduggan greeted him with, " Ha,
how did you come ?" But without say-
ing a word in reply, he cast his longing
oyes with smiling satisfaction on the
smoking fillet, and seating himself as
near as he could, after tucking again his
Barcelona under his double chin, held out


his plate, and addressed Lady Larceny,
who sat opposite the favourite joint, with-
out noticing her title, " I'll thank ye,
ma'am, for maw waw that is, a bit of
the brown." " Oh, certainly, sir" <r



The reader will recollect the before-
mentioned singular mode this lady had of
whispering to herself, what she really
thought, after she had expressed herself
aloud in a different way. To observe
this singularity more advantageously, I
placed myself by her side, and took a
minute view of her person. She was a
corpulent, well grown woman, perhaps
fifty years of age, with a countenance in-
dicating strong sense and discernment;
her address, from the impulse of the mo-
ment, was gracious and conciliating ; but
reflection instantly changed her features,
as much as to say, I'm lying, and she
whispered to herself what she conceived
to be the truth,

" A little more of the a hubbie


bubble that is, of the stuffing, if you
please, ma'am." " By all means, sir
the old devil ; he'll eat all the force-meat.
Would you like a little gravy, sir ?"
"A little ! a hubble bubble a great deal,
if you please." Certainly, sir Disgunl-
i*ig hog."

Before we sat down, I was surprised
to observe a profusion of plate on the
table, seldom to be met with in the first
houses, particularly spoons. There were
twenty passengers, and a spoon was laid
to each knife and fork ; nor was there
a mark or coat-of-arms to be seen on
any of them ; but before the cloth was
drawn, the number of spoons were con-*
sidcrably diminished. This brought to
mind the communication of our landlord
at Greenock, concerning his lordship s
attachment to property, that sometimes
came in his way, to which he had no legal
title, and I soon observed him make away
with two or three, in a most dexterous
manner. The spoons in his vicinity had
m* 1 P exit unobserved, nor missed


by any one but myself, and his lordship,
not satisfied with what he had already
purloined, as soon as the cloth was
drawn requested more spoons might be
brought in, that he might help to almonds,
raisins, nuts, &c. Having accomplished
this, he laid a spoon by the side of his
plate, and having cast his eyes around to
see that no one observed him, drew his
handkerchief leisurely over it, and in a
few minutes put them both in his

During this singular circumstance, I
frequently looked towards Cheery, who
with me heard the landlord's intelligence,
but he, good unsuspected soul, could not
believe ill of any one, more especially of
rank and family. As I felt a strong
desire to obtain further information on
this subject, I left the cabin, and went in
search of the butler, to whom I disclosed
what I had just witnessed.

The man smiled, but seemed not in the
least astonished ; nay, observed that it
was no more than he expected and had


provided for, having supplied the table
with his lordship's own plate, always
laid by for similar occasions, without
any mark or particular fashion, lest his
lordship should recognize his own, and
be offended.

When I returned to the cabin, I found
the whole company, with the exception
of the alderman, in high admiration of
Mrs. M'Kinley's poodles, little Sky and
Mull, who were placed on the table,
fondling with every one who chose to
make free with them ; I, however, plainly
saw her ladyship was not well pleased
with the familiarity of these little ani-
mals, and when asked how she liked
them, replied, " Beautiful, dear sweet
creatures, Dirty stinking devils ; / hhte
the sight of 'em."

The wind had risen, and the water
became extremely agitated, causing a
sudden pitching of the vessel, that so
discomposed the ancient spinster's spirits,
that she fancied herself on the point of
swooning, and for support laid violent


hands on poor Cheery, who sat next her,
conning- his hymn-book, and little ex-
pecting such an embrace ; but as soon as
he was led to believe that indisposition
was the case, he used every effort in his
power for her relief. Indeed, every one
conceiving that she was much worse than
she really was, rose and administered,
each proposing a remedy. -Brandy, Rum,
JVhiskey ;, and, my young roguish friend,
laying hold of the Alderman's Claret-
bottle, and glass, observed there was
nothing like a glass of light wine in these
cases; then took one himself, and offered
the lady another, but the lusty gentleman,
with fury in his eyes, seized his arm,
and exclaimed, u Stop, stop, maw waw
hobble gobble devil a drop, drink
myself old maids drink water." Her
ladyship now handed down her smelling-
bottle, observing " Poor dear lady ! how
I pity her an old cat.''

Having recovered herself, she began
to conceive that the unpleasant motion of


the vessel was owing to some misfortune
or mismanagement, and requested Cheery
to inform her if the safety valve would
permit sufficient hair. Poor Cheery, who
was totally ignorant of mechanics, and
knew more of Watt's Hymns than Watt's
steam engines, finding himself at a loss
how to reply, began to hammer, and stam-
mer, till he was relieved by the army
contractor's cockney assurance. "Vhy^ as
to the safely icalve y ma'am?" Here the
alderman burst into a loud laugh, " Ha,
ha, ha, safety ivatve, blethera wethera,
what the devil's that ? Taylors ignorant
maw waw Sundy-schools" Now the
spinster, whose respect for persons, like
the world in general, ebbed and flowed, not
according to merit, but according to the
degree of property they possessed, having
heard that this little man had accumu-
lated a large fortune, no matter how,
looked up to him as a person possessed of
all the cardinal virtues, and with some
spirit checked the alderman's mirth, by
observing " Mr. Haider man, you are


too ard on the gentle man, lie's a harmy
hagent" " I never minds, ma'am, ven
vine's in, vit's out you know, but as I vas
saying a safety icalve is properly speak-
ing gentlemen's suspenders, or gallowses"
il Ha, ha, gallows hobble bobble- -ha, ha,
that's a suspender, indeed ! maw waw
low, vulgar." " 't aint wulgar, I say ; ven
I vas taking measure of the King of
Prussia for millintary panterloons, back
stitched, leather sides, spurred and under-
strapped ; says I to the King" At this
moment the packet stopped to take in
passengers at the foot of a hill on the side
of the Loch. It is most singular, that
almost all the families in the vicinity of
this calling place, I do not recollect the
title, are named Campbell^ which in Scot-
land is generally pronounced Cammell.
Many people, we could discern through
the window T , were coming down the hill
towards the vessel, and when the steward
was asked what was to do* replied, u The
Cammclls are coming." " Hubble bubble
"-menagerie that is, by Pidcock maw
waw wish I was out."


The old maid again began to apply her"
ladyship's smelling-bottle, at the same
time observing, with some alarm, that
it was too bad to think of bringing
wild beauts into the Steam-packets, and
it was to be hoped they would not be per-
mitted to enter that apartment. " Veil,
I do'nt understand this here business at
all ; it is impossible for a Cammel to come
into this here room. Vee have hard vork
enough to get in vone mid beast already,
had'nt vee, Mister Alderman ?" This
was a fair hit, and caused some laughter ;
but the spinster could not laugh ; she
understood, from what dropped from the
Alderman, that a Menagerie was literally
coming on board, and the trepidation she
was evidently in, particularly amused
the CallayhaduyganS) who plainly under-
stood the cause of this mistake, of which
they were convinced, by the entrance of
a ($QzeB well dressed young men and
women, who for form, feature, and pleas-
ing address, surpassed the common run
of human nature ; and what is rather


strange, though in the Highlands, where
every one can speak Gaelic, the English
language is more pure and grammatical
than in any part of England ; and I am
informed in Invernessshire, which is near
two hundred miles further north, it is
still more purely spoken.

The sight of these good looking stran-
gers caused some surprise in the minds
of most of the company, who literally un-
derstanding the word Cammel, to signify
the animal of that name, found themselves
agreeably disappointed.

From this addition to our company, the
cabin became extremely warm, and the
spinster's delicate nerves were so much
affected that she begged the door might
be thrown open, observing, " I should
like a little hair!"" So should I
maw waw, that is, with plenty of currant
jelly ; ha, ha, ha."

The Alderman, who had finished the
second bottle of his claret, without asking
any one to partake with him, looked upon
this as a good hit, and cast his eyes arouncL

vol. ix. n


in expectation of applause, but the general
attention was drawn towards the new
comers, which so mortified the Alderman,
that he muttered to himself,- " maw, waw
stupid jackobites, that is, Radicals,
Rebels." r



The wind having abated, the packet
proceeded gently along, and the light
toe'd gentry on the deck were again call-
ed together by a pibroch from thp piper,
and as the cabin had now become crowded,
his Lordship proposed an adjournment to
the small room, which, as he looked upon
as his own apartment, he invited the Cal-
laghaduggans, myself, andCheery, leaving
the good looking Cammels to take their
dinner, the alderman to his claret, and
the old maid and army agent to talk about
the King of Prussia's pantaloons.

As I followed my Lord and his Lady
pretty close, determined to lose no oppor-
tunity of witnessing all their eccentricities,
I could plainly observe his Lordship's
pocket somewhat expanded, which I con-
jectured to be caused by the spoons, of


which my ear convinced me, as he seated
himself in his chair.

The butler placed wine of different
kinds on the table, and the conversation
turned on various subjects, in which Cal-
laghaduggan bore a principal part, with a
degree of feeling, sense, and information,
which proved him a being of an exalted
stamp; although it was plain, from her
ladyship's side-speeches, which I, having
seated myself by her side on purpose,
could plainly hear, that his sentiments
were, at times, much too liberal for her
high-flown prejudices. She never opposed
any one but her husband, because to him
she had thrown off the veil of fash-
ionable falsehood, and spoke what she
really conceived to be true.

My way of life hitherto was unknown
to the whole company, with the excep-
tion of Mrs. M'Kinley, for even Cheery,
the worthy, the guileless Cheery, was
as yet ignorant of my, what he would
think, sinful calling.
^Kl cannot recollect how it came on the


tapis, but the stage and its professors be-
came the topic of conversation, in which
Cheery would bear no part, except now
and then heaving a deep sigh, and per-
haps conceiving that all these diabolical
doings were brought into the world on
account of the fall, for he had never,
either read or seen a Play, and had from
infancy been taught to despise them, and
to look upon a Theatre as the devil's Tab-
ernacle, and Dramatic performers as in-
fernal Imps. The worthy Mrs. M'Kin-
ley labored under the same prejudice, but
cither her long experience of the world,
and particularly the fanatical part of it,
together with, perhaps, the effects made
upon her mind, by her perusing the
Itinerant, had softened down much of her
former asperity against the stage and its
professors, for her heart was made of too
noble materials to remain long under the
dominion of uncharitable and unchristian-
like impressions.

" Mister a Romney aye that's it;"
"Your lordship is right, Romney is iiee


name." "I remember Mossop, the great
Irish tragedian; he was remarkable for
ease of deportment and suavity of man-
ners." "Po po nonsense, your lord-
ship forgets, he was a stately proud im-
perious character." " Eh my lady do
you say so, I believe you are right Oh,
yes, now I recollect, he was remarkably
stiff stiff as a poker ; j t ou remember, my
lady, we used to call Mm Poker Mossop.
Tate Wilkinson too, 1 remember ; he was
a comical dog, a great mimic, but his
face was too handsome for comic effect ;
he had a striking eye, a harmonious voice,
and a Roman nose wrote a book, called
the Wandering Refuge." " I should not
presume to doubt the accuracy of your
lordship's statement, had I not been per-
sonally acquainted with the gentleman
you speak of, the features of whose face
were any thing but handsome; his vyv-
wcre small and inexpressible, his nose, if
it might be called one, was flat and so
diminutive, that the contour of his coun-
ance, gave a favourable effect to his


humourous anecdotes, by inclining his
auditors to risibility before he commenced,
and the title of the book he wrote was
not the Wandering Refuge, but the Wan-
dering Patentee." " I dare say the
gentleman is right, my lord ; what a
superficial fool he is" " Do you
think so, my lady ? oh, yes, I recol-
lect he had a flat nose like a bull-dog
you remember, my lady, we used to call
him snub nose aye, snub nose Tate but
of all the humourists he that led the van

was a Foot aye, that's it, and then he

was so agile, the most delightful harlequin
I ever saw, jump through a tub on fire."
" Really, my lord, you are quite ridicu-

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