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Samuel Rid.

The Art of Iugling or Legerdemaine online

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bone out of ones throate: for sore eies, to open locks, against
spirits: for the botts in a horse, for sower wines, and diuers others.

There are also diuers books imprinted, as it should appeare by the
authoritie of the Church of Rome, wherin are conteyned many medecinall
prayers, not only against all deseases of horses, but also for euery
impediment, and fault in a horse, in so much as if a shooe fall in the
middest of his iorney; there is a prayer to warrant your horses hoofe
so as it shall not breake, how farre soeuer he be from the smythes
forge: But these of all the rest are the fondest toyes, that euer were
deuised, therefore we wil passe them ouer, and yet how many in these
dayes are addicted to the beleefe of these charmes it is incredible, I
will giue you a taste of two or three, because you shall see the
foolery of the rest.




A Charme to be said each morning by a Witch
fasting, or at least before she goe
abroade.


The fire bites, the fire bites, the fire bites: hogs turde ouer it,
hogges turde ouer it, hoggs turde ouer it. The Father with thee, the
Sonne with me, the holy Ghost betweene vs both to be, thrise, then
spitt ouer one shoulder, and then ouer the other, and then three times
right forward.




An olde womans Charme wherewith she did much
good in the cuntrie and grew famous
thereby.


An olde woman that healed all deseases of cattell (for the which she
neuer tooke any reward but a penny and a loafe) being seriously
examined, by what words she brought these things to passe, confessed
that after she had touched the sick creature, she alwaies departed
immediately saying.

_My loafe in my lap,
My penie in my purse:
Thou art neuer the better,
And I am neuer the worse._




A slouenly Charme for sore eies.


The Deuill pull out both thine eies,
And _etish_[*] in the holes likewise.

[Sidenote: spel this word backward and you shall see what a
slouenly charme this is _etish_.]




A Miller that had his eeles stolne by night, made mone to the priest
of the parish, who indeede was the principall of the theeues that
stole the eeles, Sir Iohn willed him to be quiet, for said he I will
to curse the theeues, and their adherents with bell, booke, and
candle, that they shall haue small ioy of their fish, and therefore
the next sonday Sir Iohn gotte him vp to the pulpit with his surplis
on his back, and his Gole about his neck, and pronounced these words
following, in the audience of the people.

All ye that haue stolne the myllers Eeles
_Laudate Dominum in coelis:_
And all they that haue consented therunto
_Benedicamus Domino._

By this little you may plainely perceaue the foppery of the Church of
Rome, who hould such toyes as authenticall, and also there knauery to
make the people beleeue, lies for truth, and falshod for honestie,
Bearing them in hand, as in this, so in all the rest, with blindenes,
and ignorance but hereof ynoughe.




And now to conclude, lett vs backe againe with one pretty knack, which
is held to be meruilous and wonderfull. And that is to make a horse
tell you how much money you haue in your purse: and I reade of a
pretty story of an asse at _Memphis_ in Egypt, that could do rare
feates, among other Iuggling knackes, there and then vsed: there was
one that tooke paynes with an asse, that he had taught him, all these
quallities following, and for game he caused a stage to be made, and
an assembly of people to meete, which being downe in the manner of a
play, he came in with his asse, and sayde: The _Sultan_ hath great
neede of asses, to helpe to carry stones, and other stuffe towards his
great building which he hath in hande: the asse immediately fell downe
to the ground, and by all signes shewed himself to be sick, and at
length to giue vp the ghost, so as the Iuggler begged of the assembly
money towards his asse, and hauing gotten all that he could, he saide,
now my masters you shall see mine asse is yet aliue, and doth but
counterfeit, because he would haue some money to buy him prouender,
knowing that I was poore and in some neede of reliefe: heere vpon he
would needes lay a wager that his asse was aliue, who to euery mans
seeing was starke dead: and when one had laid mony with him therevpon,
he commaunded the asse to arise, but hee lay still as though he were
dead: then did he beate him with a Cudgell, but that would not serue
the turne, vntill he had addressed his speech to the Asse, saying as
before in open audience, the _Sultane_ hath commaunded that all the
people shall ride out to morrow, and see the triumph, and that the
faire Ladies will ride vpon the fairest Asses, and will giue notable
prouender to them, and euery Asse shall drinke of the sweete water of
Nylus: and then, loe the Asse did presently start vp, and aduance
himself exceedingly. Loe quoth his master, now I haue wonne: but in
troth the Maior hath borrowed my Asse for the vse of the old
il-fauoured witch his wife: and therevpon immediately he hung downe
his eares and halted downe right, as though he had bene starke lame:
then said his Master, I perceaue you loue young pretty wenches: at
which the asse looked vp as it were with a ioyfull cheere, and then
his master bad him choose out one that should ride vpon him, and he
ran to a very hansome woman, and touched her with his head.

Such a one is at this day to be seene in London, his master will say,
sirra, heere be diuers Gentlemen, that haue lost diuers things, and
they heare say that thou canst tell them tydings of them where they
are: if thou canst, prethee shew thy cunning and tell them: then
hurles he downe a handkercher or a gloue that he had taken from the
parties before, and bids him giue it the right owner, which the horse
presently doth: and many other pretty feates this horse doth, and some
of those trickes as the Asse before mencioned did, which not one among
a thousand perceaues how they are done, nor how he is brought to
learne the same: and note that all the feates that this horse doth, is
altogether in numbering: as for ensample, His master will aske him how
many people there are in the roome: the horse will pawe with his foote
so many times as there are people: and marke the eye of the horse is
alwaies vpon his master, and as his master moues, so goes he or stands
still, as he is brought to it at the first: as for ensample, his
master will throw you three dice, and will bid his horse tell how many
you or he haue throwne, then the horse pawes with his foote whiles the
master stands stone still: then when his master sees hee hath pawed so
many as the first dice shewes it selfe, then he lifts vp his shoulders
and stirres a little: then he bids him tell what is on the second die,
and then of the third die, which the horse will doe accordingly, still
pawing with his foote vntill his master sees he hath pawed ynough, and
then stirres: which the horse marking, will stay and leaue pawing. And
note, that the horse will paw an hundred times together, vntill he
sees his master stirre: and note also that nothing can be done, but
his master must first know, and then his master knowing, the horse is
ruled by him by signes. This if you marke at any time you shall
plainely perceaue.




Now that we are come to our iournies end, let vs sit downe and looke
about vs, whether we are al sonnes of one father, if there be no
knaues among vs: St. _Boniface_ light me the candle. Who doe I see?
what the lustie lad of the Myter, that will binde beares, and ride his
golden Asse to death but he will haue his will? Birlady, birlady sir,
you of all the rest are most welcome, what how doth your stomack after
your carrowsing banquet? what gorge vpon gorge, egges vpon egges, and
sack vpon sack, at these yeares? by the faith of my body sir you must
prouide for a hot kitchen against you growe olde, if you mean to liue
my yeares: but happy the father that begot thee, and thrise happy the
Nurse that soffred such a toward yonker as thy selfe: I know thy
vertues as well as thy selfe, thou hast a superficiall twang of a
little something: an Italian ribald can not vomit out the infections
of the world, but thou my pretty Iuuinall, an English Dorrell-lorrell,
must lick it vp for restoratiue, & putrifie thy gentle brother ouer
against thee, with the vilde impostumes of thy lewd corruptions: God
blesse good mindes from the blacke enemy say I: I know you haue bene
prying like the Deuill from East to West, to heare what newes: I will
acquaint thee with some, & that a secret distillation before thou
goest. He that drinketh oyle of prickes, shall haue much a doe to
auoyd sirrope of roses: and he that eateth nettles for prouender, hath
a priuiledge to pisse vpon lillies for litter. I prethee sweete
natures darling, insult not ouermuch vpon quiet men: a worme that is
troden vpon will turne againe, and patience loues not to be made a
cart of Croyden. I doe begin with thee now, but if I see thee not mend
thy conditions, Ile tell you another tale shortly: thou shalt see that
I can doot, I could bring in my Author to tell thee to thy face, that
he hath found a knaue in grosse, of thee: but I can say, I haue found
thee a foole in retaile: thou seest simplicity can not double, nor
plaine dealing cannot dissemble, I could wish thee to amend thy life,
and take heede of the Beadle.



_Vale qui rediculose haec legeris._

FINIS.





[Transcriber's notes: Obvious typographical errors that were not
plausible as historical or phonetic spellings were corrected. In the
original, these read

"looke now your grace shall see what a Iugler can doe" originally "loo"

"bid some goe presently and fetch it" originally "fecth"

"so I will proceede with other feates" originally "proceene"

"the one filed asunder" originally "the the one"

"A slouenly Charme for sore eies" originally "eiet"

Abbreviations have been silently expanded. Where opening and closing
parentheses were mismatched, commas were turned into parentheses (or
vice versa) to make them match.]







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Online LibrarySamuel RidThe Art of Iugling or Legerdemaine → online text (page 4 of 4)