Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 109, July 13, 1895 online

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not bashful in giving it a name, though they usually end up by saying
that if this particular post is disposed of, anything else will do.
In fact, like the cabman and the coy fare, they leave it to me. I am,
as you know, of placid temperament, inclined to take genial views of
my fellow-man. But I declare, if the process of forming a Ministry
under my direction were extended beyond a fortnight, I should become a
confirmed cynic."

_Business done._ - Parties change sides.

_Tuesday._ - "_Quel jour pour le bon Joé!_" said my Friend, dropping
with easy grace into the French of Alderney-atte-Sark.

House full, considering the nearness of Dissolution. Members anxious
above all things to meet their constituents. Grudge every hour that
holds them from their embrace. Still, it is well upon occasion to
practise self-denial. Ten days or even a fortnight with constituents
during progress of contest inevitable. Just as well not to anticipate.
So House crowded to see PRINCE ARTHUR return. Slight flush
on his cheek as with swinging stride he comes to take up sceptre
PEEL once held, that DIZZY deftly wielded, that
GLADSTONE of late laid down. After him, second only to
him, JOSEPH - JOSEPH in his very best summer
suit, appropriate to occasion when sun shines most brightly. Then
JOKIM, who has descended to frivolity of white waistcoat,
which casts ghastly pallor over festive scene. Last of all, type in
these days of stern, unbending Toryism, MICHAEL HICKS-BEACH.

[Illustration: LEFT OUT! (A Study of several Distinguished Persons,
who are unable to appreciate the charms of "Coalition"!)]

"BEACH," said SARK, coming back to the English
tongue, "has never either manoeuvred or wobbled. He is of the
very flower of English political squirearchy. He has principles and
convictions, and he sticks to them. So, when a Conservative Ministry
arrives, he walks in last, and, on the Treasury Bench, takes any seat
others may not have appropriated. Consider these things, TOBY,
my boy. If you're bringing up any pups to a political career, the
study may be useful to you and them." PRIVATE HANBURY got
his stripes. After pegging away for years at Treasury, PRINCE
ARTHUR now put him on to repel attacks. Will do it well too. An
admirable appointment. Sad thing about it is, that it breaks up a
cherished companionship; parts friends by the height and width and back
of Treasury Bench.

_Business done._ - Ministers sworn in.

_Thursday._ - Notable change come over BOLTONPARTY in the last
few days. Unmistakable Retreat-from-Moscow look about him. When Liberal
Government went out and JOSEPH handed THE MARKISS to
the front, BOLTONPARTY beamed with large content. The Sun of
Austerlitz shone once more.

"JOSEPH," he said, folding his arms in historic fashion,
letting his massive chin rest on his manly chest, what time his noble
brow shone with the radiance of mighty thoughts, "JOSEPH
will never forget his early friend and ally. It's not as if at the
last General Election I stood under his flag, won a seat, and laid
it at his feet. I fought North St. Pancras as a Home-Ruler, captured
it, and before new Parliament was many months old, went over to other
side, making early rift in lute of GLADSTONE'S majority. Some
men in such circumstances would have gone back to their constituency
and said, 'Dear boys, there's a mistake somewhere. You elected me on
a particular understanding. Since then I have taken another view of
the situation and of my duty. So I come back, return the trust you
placed in my hand, and give you opportunity of electing me again, or
choosing another man.' That might have led to inconvenience. Wouldn't
run any risk; so kept my seat, and voted steadily with JOSEPH.
Suppose they won't put me in the Cabinet right off? But I shall have
choice of first-class Under-Secretaryship. Shall it be War, Navy, or
Home Department? Any one excellent; but obviously I must go to the War
Office. Don't know whether there's any particular uniform for Financial
Secretary. If not, could soon knock one up from old portrait of the

[Illustration: Virtue Rewarded! The new Secretary of the Treasury, Mr.

Day after day BOLTONPARTY stayed at home, expecting every
hour to be sent for. Nothing came till Wednesday morning's papers
arrived, with, the news that son AUSTEN was Secretary to
the Admiralty, JESSE COLLINGS was installed at the Home
Office, and POWELL WILLIAMS - who never set a squadron
in the field, and didn't in any respect resemble the Emperor
NAPOLEON - was Financial Secretary to the War Office! "That's
bad enough, TOBY," said BOLTONPARTY, filing away an
iron tear that coursed down his steel-grey cheek. "But there's worse
behind. What do you think JOSEPH did when he heard I wasn't
all together pleased? He offered me a statue! Said he'd no doubt
AKERS-DOUGLAS could pick up on reasonable terms an old statue
of NAPOLEON; with a little touching up it would serve, and
there was a place ready on the site proposed for CROMWELL'S.
There was, he said, well-known picture of NAPOLEON Crossing
the Alps. Why shouldn't there be a statue of BOLTONPARTY
Crossing Marylebone Road, North Pancras? This is man's gratitude! I've
been cruelly Elba'd on one side, and nothing remains for me now but St.

[Illustration: Toby runs down to his Constituency.]

_Business done._ - All.

_Saturday._ - Prorogation to-day, with usual imposing ceremony. On
Monday, Dissolution. Off to the country. Of course no one opposes me in
Barks. But must do the civil thing by my constituents.

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Online LibraryVariousPunch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 109, July 13, 1895 → online text (page 3 of 3)