Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume 102, Jan. 2, 1892 online

from contiguity and enter in single file. As they had up to that
moment been engaged in earnest conversation, this little incident
caused a sensation among the crowd looking on. The new Chief Secretary
was easily recognised as he descended from his hansom with a sprig
of shamrock in his coat and another of shillelagh in his right hand.
Whilst waiting for change out of eighteenpence he softly whistled
"_God Save Ireland_." Mr. RITCHIE did not appear, pleading influenza.
Our reporter informs us that there is more behind, and that before
the Session is far advanced a change may be looked for at the Local
Government Board.

* * * * *

A TRIAL IN NOVEL FORM.

SCENE - _The Interior of Court during a sensational trial.
Bench, Bar, and Jury in a state of wild excitement as to what
will happen next._

_Judge_ (_mysteriously handing note to Bar engaged in the case_). I
have received this letter, which is deeply interesting. It will form
appropriately what I may call our Third Volume. I hand it to Counsel,
but they must keep it entirely to themselves.

_First Leader_ (_after perusal of document_). Did you ever?

_Second Leader_ (_ditto_). No I never!

_Judge_ (_greatly gratified_). I thought I would surprise you! Yes,
it came this afternoon, and I found it too startling to keep all to
myself, so I have revealed the secret, on the condition you tell no
one else.

_First Lead._ You may rely on the discretion of my learned friend, my
Lord.

_Second Lead._ My Lord, on the discretion of my learned friend you may
rely.

_Judge_. Thank you (_dipping his pen in the ink_), and now we will go
on with the case.

[_A Witness is called - he hides his face under a cloak._

_First Leader_ (_in examination-in-chief_). I think you wish to
preserve your incognito?

_Wit._ (_in sepulchral tones_). I do. But if his Lordship desires it,
I will write my name on a piece of paper and pass it up.

_Judge_. Well, certainly, I think I ought to know everything, and -
(_Receives piece of paper disclosing the information, and starts back
in his chair astonished_). Dear me! Good gracious! Dear me!

_First Lead._ I think I should mention that I have not the
faintest idea who this witness is, and only call him, acting under
instructions. (_To Witness._) Do you know anything about the matter in
dispute?

_Witness_ (_with a sepulchral laugh_). Ha! ha! ha! Nothing. Your
question is indeed a good joke. Nothing, I repeat, absolutely nothing!

_First Lead._ (_annoyed_). Then you can sit down.

_Second Lead._ (_sharply_). Pardon me - not quite so fast! You say you
know nothing about the matter in dispute, and yet you come here!

_Witness_ (_in a deeper voice than ever_). Exactly.

_Second Lead._ But why, my dear Sir - Why? What is the point of it? Who
may you be?

_Witness_. It is not _may_ be - but who I am!

_Second Lead._ Well, tell us who you are. (_Persuasively._) Come, who
are you?

_Witness_ (_throwing off his disguise_). Who am I? Why, HAWKSHAW the
Detective!

_Counsel Generally_ (_to Judge_). Then, my Lord, under the altered
circumstances of the case, we can appear no longer before you. (_With
deep and touching emotion._) We retire from the case!

_Judge_ (_not very appropriately_). Then if _Box and Cox_ are
satisfied, all I can say is that I am. I may add that I consider that
the case has been conducted nobly, and that I knew how it would end
from the very first. I am thoroughly satisfied.

_Jury_. And so are we, my Lord - never so interested in our lives!

_Newspaper Editor_ (_departing_). Ah, if we only had a trial like
this every day, we should require but one line on the Contents Bill!
(_Curtain._)

* * * * *

THE SAFEST NEW YEAR RESOLVE. - To make none.

* * * * *

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